Hormones

A couple of days ago, I had my very first pregnancy emotional outburst.  It was so strange.  I was watching Knocked Up and it came to the part where Katherine Heigel's character was delivering her baby.  Then, without warning, I suddenly burst into tears.  I'm not talking about a few tears running down my face but a full on ugly cry.  I couldn't even figure out why I was crying.  Was I sad, scared, touched?  How early on did pregnancy hormones affect you?  Am I in for a teary 7 months?

7 weeks

I went to my first ob/gyn appointment as a pregnant lady yesterday. I was totally nervous. I was scared that she was going to say, "Oops, sorry, you're not really pregnant. It's all in your head. Now stop complaining that you're tired and get to work!" But that's not what happened. She took a look at the last time I got my period (Feb. 28) and said, "Oh yeah, you're pregnant." We did the traditional pelvic exam (everything is still there) and then talked a bit.

In the middle of my exam, Ken came and was invited in after I was poked a bit. Like a good dad, he asked a bunch of questions about my skin rash (she told us not to worry...phew!), exercise and diet.

So, as of right now my doctor thinks that I am about 7 weeks along (baby is the size of a blueberry!) but I have a sonogram appointment next Wednesday to confirm. That puts my delivery date at December 5. It seems so far away!! I know that it will go by quickly though.

Some news that I got that I wasn't too thrilled with is that I can not kickbox anymore. I was just starting to get back into it so it's a bummer that I can't continue. But even worse, she advised against riding my bicycle. If I fell or got knocked off, I could miscarry. It's not worth the risk and I will do whatever is necessary to keep my baby healthy but boy will I miss my beloved bicycle. RIP for now my little bike.

Not So Restful Vacation

It's been a while since I've posted and that's because we didnot stop moving on our vacation to Las Vegas, The Grand Canyon and Ogden. It was

a lot to do in 6 days and I kind of wish, given my current condition that we had kept things low key. I definitely pooped out more than once and by the end of my journey, I started having food aversions. Meat! Yuck!!!!!

Here are a few highlights from the trip. Enjoy!

Excuses, Excuses

Ken and I are leaving for a short trip tonight. We will be in Las Vegas for 2 days, the Grand Canyon for 2 days and then in Ogden, Utah at Ken's sister's house (Aunt Jen) for 2 days. I am really looking forward to getting away and hope that it's not our last trip before the baby arrives. (Positive thoughts today)

The only thing I am not looking forward to is trying to hide the news from Jen, which I don't think is going to work. Already she has guessed that I am with child. On a phone call with Ken she mentioned that she was going to get us drunk. Ken replied that I had a skin infection and was taking antibiotics so I couldn't drink. She said, "You mean Carrie's pregnant!" Ken said, "No, I mean that Carrie has a rash all over her body and can't drink." But Jen persisted. She's onto us.

So, not only would I have to make excuses for not drinking but I also would have to make an excuse for not eating oysters and tartare and sushi. What do I say to that? What excuses have you used with family and friends when before you were willing to spread the good news?

Mostly, I don't want anyone to know yet because I haven't even been to my Ob/Gyn to confirm that this isn't an imaginary pregnancy. But really, I haven't confirmed that my baby is totally safe and out of harm's way due to my skin eating virus. I don't want to have to make a bunch of sad calls if I were to not make it through my first trimester. "Sorry but, no go!" I am not ready for the cries of joy and the "Congratulations!" and the "How do you feel, are you nauseous?" types of questions. I'm just not ready yet. I need time to be with myself, my body, my thoughts. I need time.

Two Very Pink Lines

Ken and I decided about 4 months ago while folding laundry late one night that it was now or never. We were going to try to have a baby. Ken has always been on the fence about having a baby; if it happened, great and if not then we could travel all over the world with no worries. For most of my life I was desperate to have a child. Until recently. I just graduated from a Master's program a year ago and in many ways I feel like my life and career is just starting and I wonder what a baby will do to my future. Everyone says that there is never a good time to have one and, being 35 years old, it will never be a better time. So, with a deep breath, a fold of a t-shirt and the sound of the driers whirling, the decision was made. We were going to do it and let fate take it's course.

Two nights ago, I found I had a few minutes before leaving for my kickboxing class and I had to pee so I thought, "Why not take a pregnancy test?" I'm about a week late so I might as well check. To be honest, since I have been off the pill, I have been late a couple of times so I thought nothing of it. So I sat down and peed on the stick. The stick didn't even have to think about it. There was no hesitation. It was like the stick was playing Jeopardy and only had seconds to get it's answer out before another one did, "What is two pink lines?" There was no question. I was (am) pregnant.

I started to shake. I wasn't sure how to take the news. How was I supposed to react? Cry? Laugh? Fall on my knees praising the fertility gods? But I shook. Not a big shake, just a slight vibration. I called Ken asking him to come home asap and off I went to my kickboxing class.

14 hours later. I had a dermatologist appointment because I have been getting these small skin rashes all over my belly and back. They're not very itchy but their unsightly and keep appearing. The doctor, small and sweet, looked all over my back, stom

ach, breasts and arms and diagnosed me with Pityriasis Rosea.

What is this lovely sounding disease you ask? Well, it is a skin rash caused by an airborne virus that normally appears in fall or spring. It's fairly common however there is no cure and normally takes it's course in 6-8 weeks. I am guessing that I am on week 2 or 3. Better news is that it will get worse

before it gets better. But here's the kicker...the doctor mentioned that pregnant women who contract this virus have been found to be more susceptible to miscarriages.

I was stunned. I only found out 14 hours earlier that I was pregnant and now I find out that I could have a miscarriage from this stupid, ugly, itchy skin virus? My eyes teared. I really wasn't sure what to do with this information. I still don't.

I feel like I should be celebrating my pregnancy but instead, every time I feel a cramp, bubble, anything, I wonder if I am losing it. I wonder if I should allow myself to be excited? What if I miscarry? Should I prepare myself for the worst so, if it does happen, I am not heartbroken? Does it even work that way?

Each day I find myself filled with emotions; anxiety, fear, glee, shame, wonder, curiosity. I wonder when I'll feel maternal. Like a mom to be. Glowing. Will I even get there?